“Cervical disc disorder with radioculopathy”, a term that I got written in a piece of paper of medical test. A strange and very unfamiliar medical jargon that flew into my head, push me to really understand what happened to my body inside. That very strange, *sounds intellect jargon knocked my brain to lid-up the bulb and get real understanding about what just happened.
However, I was being immersed with a very strong sensation all over my limb that this is something serious, I was still having a hard time to digest it all in. Instead of digest those diagnosis result, I was too drawn into “The Disorder” thing, it was like a phrase that haunts me, fill-up all the neural synapses in my brain and surpassed my consciousness then lid-up the bulb.
“Ihave disorder….what?”, that’s the respond that I got after reading the diagnosis paper. And the very next second was a sensation of repelling those ideas and a notion like “It is not happening to me… , I don’t deserve it, I am still young and I don’t want that strange medical jargon in me”.
I was having difficulties to accept fact that just happened to me, something ugly that apparently part of myself. My Truth.
Fortunately, I could gain my composure in few minutes later and it helps me to went to the doctor room and facing on gaining my education about my health. In short, the doctor explained to myself about what’s going on under this flesh of mine.
About the very delicate nerve that is pinched around my cervical neck disk that luckily not the end the world. She did not terrorized me with another scary options that I need to take. She said that this is serious, very serious but no need to panic. All that I need to do now is embracing the option to heal by taking care of myself and really discipline on it.
Leaving the doctor’s room I was still trying to process everything, short education about neural system and health, about life style that I should adopt from now on. All those big chunks, med-course was tucked-in into my brain, I was digesting really slow and carefully about that.*And I was digesting all those thing, whilst still felt the pain on my neck and my back.
After sat-down and re-read my diagnosis, I sort of like got another angle, “It shouldn’t be a turmoil, I could turn it into a good story”. By having acceptanceof the fact of myself, I got my consciousness back. I did re-gain my logic to resolve the problem and find the way to turn it into power.
I remember that by accepting the fact of our self that is a huge step to make a change about that. My neural health condition is part of me that is ugly but I have options in this, I can take it as an invitation to get-out from my old life style that I did not realize is not healthy to a new habit, new lifestyle that is more empowering. I got my epiphany.
This revelation that I got when I walk down the hospital corridor led me to remember Brendon Burchard and his lectures about “The Charged Life”. I was brought back to the knowledge that he’s the one who got brain injury and still got-back stronger and more powerful. Powerful enough to make me felt empowered every time I read his blog-post or his speech.
It is funny how our consciousness work, I can turned from panicking human being into full of curiosity creature that tried to cope with pain. And then I realized something for sure, I did gain my composure back, once I surrender. The moment where I accept what happened and willing to see as it is, even though is seems ugly. And that’s the time when I knew that I know better and then that notion give me power to do better with my life.
My epiphany ended up with something funny. It was when I remember the stupid panic that I got when I gain more weight or when I heard some girl complaining about gaining up some weight. I did not realize that gaining up some weight is something that could be grateful, compared to my current situation.
I do understand now the concept of taking-it for granted, and I do understand now the importance of having an acceptance of life. Now, it’s all about turning it into power. Just like the song of The Script, “Turning Pain Into Power”, That’s my song from now on.
Thank you reading it, I hope you get insight.